I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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