At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
