How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
