apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
