I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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