Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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