I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
