Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
