I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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