If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
