Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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