After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
