How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize