you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
