I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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