Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
