omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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