Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Randomize
