It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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