Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
