Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
