And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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