Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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