you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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