I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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