Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
