sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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