and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need to align my fucking chakras
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
