I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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