small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
