I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
