Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
