went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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