I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
