I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
