That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
