the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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