Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
farters have to be the big spoon...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Randomize