dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
