She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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