For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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