Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
