i need an iv and a liver transplant
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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