i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
