My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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