I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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