The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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