Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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