Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
