i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
