FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
