How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
