After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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