Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
