sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
