I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
