Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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