my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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