Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
