apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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