Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
