yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i drank out of a bidet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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