did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
